;D

So you may be wondering the significance of the above winky face. It's because I've discovered....I am a flirt. I always knew I was a flirt but god I'm a FLIRT. So I'm having a lovely little chat to lying cheating dickhead. We've established we would be perfect as a couple, just not in a relationship. Predicament.

He's hot though. Who knows where this will lead eh? Have to wait and see.

I feel sicky.

Soooooo I'm bored. I'm ill. And not at school. I guess it's a possibility that I feel sick because I ate Mcdonalds 20 minutes before bed..Made me feel sicky. That and I didn't want to go to school today. So I'm not at school. I'm at home *yawn*. It should be more fun than it is. I wanna do a Ferris Bueller style day off. Someone get me the phone I'm ringing the school to say someones grandma has just died.

I'm ashamed of myself. I think I'm starting to like One Direction. They're hot. And can actually sing surprisingly well. Swoon. I feel like such a fan-girl. Insert cheesy picture of band with a heart around it here. 

I now have an image of both Steven Tyler and One Direction on the same page. If this was someone else's blog I would be so disappointed right now.

Abnormality.

It's times like these you realise quite how abormal you're life is. Going on a trip to McDonalds with my sister and her boss at work. I swear that isn't normal? Wow...All so strange.

Feeling So Fucking Stupid.

So I've had a shitty day. I've been frustrated. And stressed. And feeling generally like crap. Normally in this mood I'll get E to help me with coursework (which turns into mindless flirting). So I tried...and nope. Not happening. Kinda proves something eh? I know not all guys are after one thing and blah blah blah...but it looks like he was. So glad that's all that happened, before I made a mistake I seriously regretted. Should have known better from the guy who doesn't even date. 

Either way. I feel fucking stupid and like I should have been more careful and like I shouldn't have done it (which I've been feeling all day anyway). I've decided I need to go for nicer guys and stop getting hurt. I also need to be less easy...Even if it is E. Just feeling a tiny bit slutty. And terribly used.

Stupid Mistakes...again

So have I told you yet that when I'm upset or in an argument i go all rebellious and usually make stupid decisions I regret...? Well I do. So my mum and step dad recently split up, and my mum can't seem to be on her own, so in the space between christmas day and now we've had two different "dads" brought in. It's been pretty tough. Well one of them got really stalkerish, so she got rid of him....now she's gone back to him. Safe to say that pissed me off more than a little bit. So we had a little bit of an argument earlier and i shuffled off into my room to listen to music and talk to E on skype....

We talked, and talked...And then he was joking around. He was giving me confidence boosts..and i was sitting there just in my football shirt and underwear. I do crazy things. Things just to prove a point that I'm not a little girl anymore, especially when my mum tells my sister things and not me like she did today. It hurts and I will act up. So when he joked around, as most guys do. I took a swig of vodka and the shirt came off. I don't know why I did it...I feel stupid and slaggy. He seems sweet, I truly trust he won't tell anyone...But I think he's embarrassed...his word. I'm not sure if that's genuinely how he's feeling or he just used the wrong word. Either way that slightly hurt. I need to stop making stupid impulsive decisions. I also need to stop downing straight vodka...Damn it you slut.

Note to self: Stop fucking things up and being a slut.

whoops/eeeeeep

Ok. Damn it. I missed yesterdays post, keeping an anonymous blog that none of your friends know about is difficult when your friend is round. Hectic day yesterday. E got home, apparently I got a text straight after he got back....that's a positive. But also apparently he can't see us meeting up because he knows none of my friends and isn't that confident and blah blah blah. Damn it. But, i'll win, I will meet up with him. I will win.

Also, that's the extent of my love life issues for a day....But not my best friends. He found out his girlfriend cheated on him with his best friend in a drunken mishap. I've spent all night trying to be there for him and comfort him, God he's a mess...Although he seems happier now, and has said he is going to hit his friend. Nice one M! You brilliant dude.

*yawnnnn*

So you're only getting one post tonight, you unlucky people. This is purely because I have been exiled from my own house to my dearest nan's house. This is because my mum's boyfriend is round. Thankyou ever so much for that mother dearest.

Anyway. My nan loves in a block of flats, resulting in extremely poor phone signal, no 3GS, and she's decided she doesn't need Internet. So I fear this will be a painfully slow process.

Anyway, I've had an extremely tiring day. As I was forcefully dragged out of my house by ten o'clock. Yes that is early for me. I was dragged to lakeside. A half an hour drive away, because my sister, being the loving friend she is, decided to buy her best friend a Paul's boutique bag. Why I had to join her I don't know.

Ever get it when people talk when you're asleep? And you start to hear what people say in your dreams? And you see people saying it? That happened earlier. All I know is it was a good dream (even though I can't remember it), as I vaguely remember laughing. Anyway. I'm standing in a room of people....And we're all talking....and then. Out of nowhere, one by one they take it in turns to shout the word "pirates"...yes. This confused me. It turns out, it was my sister shouting out my name (which I will tell you now sounds nothing like the word pirates). So yeah, I was woken up by a feminine voice shouting out the word pirates. Thankyou my loving sister. You make this existence such a joyful one.

And a quick update on the omegle guy. We spoke for about three hours. It was amazing. To avoid him signing out (I was enjoying a good intelligent conversation!) I told him I was a 17 year old hairdressing apprentice (not strictly a lie. I work in a hairdressers and they have offered me an apprenticeship for when I leave school. And I was just rounding upwards (kinda). At two in the morning I told him I was leaving. We exchanged goodbyes, and well wishings of a good life. And just like that. Gone. Plenty more fish in the sea eh?

Now. Even though it is 3 minutes past 6. I will catch up on sleep. To make up for the lay in that was rudely disturbed this morning. Goodbye readers.

Omegle.

OK, so in a desperate attempt to get more page views I'm going to rather extreme measures. (Hi to anyone that has come here from my link. Nice talking to you again) After facing many rejections from horny fuckers that can't get laid that go on purely in the hope of a quick flash on Skype, i checked my page, a pretty rapid increase in page views. Not too bad. Anyway, thankyou to anyone who is reading this from Omegle.

Anyway, out of boredom of tirelessly copy and pasting a quick introduction to get people to come and check this out, i decided to cure my boredom by answering an anonymous question. One word...

Wow.

So my question was: "What do you think of gay/lesbian partnership?" 

We've now gotten into a deep conversation and I think I'm in love. Not that the 18 year old has asked my age yet. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. We're talking about consciousness, and being, and it's been so long since I've has a conversation like this but God it's amazing. He's challenging me with new ideas purely to see if i can respond. So far I can. I'm amazing at arguing. Anyway, we're talking about pure controversy and I love it. Even though odds are he's some weird guy sitting behind a computer that was previously showing people his cock. God I'm picturing him as attractive right now. He actually seems to get my opinions, even if it is just so he can grasp them enough to challenge them. Hey, I like a challenge!

Why do I find arrogance this attractive? Damn you (probably not) hot nerd. Anyway, back to my intellectual conversation. It's a nice distraction from anything else!

"I don't like plastic people." "Maybe you should move then?"

Okay, so of my three page views I am not going to break my promise. I said I would tell you about "The Woman In Black" so here goes. Spoiler alert.

That was scary.

For a 12A I can honestly say had I watched that when I was 12 I would have probably quite literally wet myself. Although, I'm pretty sure any potential tension was completely ruined by the high pitched squeal of my 15 year old male friend. Spent a majority of that film in hysterics, laughing at the pure femininity that I think I can safely say resulted in a significant loss of man points. So what should have been a tense and scary film was utterly disturbed by the mental replaying of the squeal that managed to come from the 15 year old boy's mouth. Congratulations, I'm not sure you can still be classed as male. Although you did cause a lot of amusement. Another congratulations on that. I'm not going to lie, I would recommend this, although, wouldn't if you're looking for a happy end. It doesn't have one. Is a good film...If not utterly petrifying at times, definitely take someone to cuddle if possible ;D.

Before I sign off. There was a monkey in this film that looked identical to Steven Tyler. Which I find a crazy coincidence, considering my earlier post. But no I would not do the monkey. Although it was genuienly quite strange.

P.P.S

I forgot to mention. You know I told you about I? Mr nice guy? Well, yeah, Mr Nice Guy not so nice. He shall now be known as child. Apparently deleting people off of Facebook is how you get over them? How mature of you. Oh well, at least I no longer have desperate attempts at conversation constantly. As bitchy as that sounds.

P.P.P.S (this is the last one I swear, getting beyond a joke now)...E (Mr Hot)....back from holiday tonight. Eeeeeeeep.

And yes. I do insist on using only initials. I get paranoid easily, and knowing my bad luck someone who dislikes me will read this and put 2 + 2 together. And just happen to be right. I am not taking that risk.

Obsessed.

"ooooooooh"

Another reminder of the influential mind of a teenager. I've developed an unhealthy obsession with "Awkward.". It's surprisingly good. Another reminder of losing yourself in a fantasy world that you could only dream you live in. It's OK to wish. Well, anyway, I've watched season 1 twice in two days. I think that is bad. It's good (got nothing to do with the eye candy)...(at all).

Going to see "The Woman In Black" tonight with a group of my friends. Apparently it's good, despite the fact I don't want to scream and hysterically cry in front of my friends. Apparently it's scary. And about ghosts and stuff, I'll get back to you on that one.

P.S. Out of nowhere my love for classic rock has reappeared. Guilty crush on Steven Tyler. I know he's old and ugly, but if he was younger...I definitely would. Oh that attitude. Who said looks are everything?!

My Current Situation(s)

I hate to be tedious and drone on about my love life, but it's the most complicated and probably the only interesting aspect of my life. This is going to make me sound like a slut. I grasp that, but yeah, I have options. No idea why. I'm average looking and I'm not exactly easy. OK, so to break it down, my current options are A, I, E, M, creepy stalker, and lying cheating dickhead. Pardon my french. Here is a brief summary of each:

• A- The older guy. Technically not single, but they're in a rough patch. He was almost my new years kiss, but due to me acting embarrassed as a substitute for joy. I blew that one. He has extremely attractive cheekbones.
• I - the nice guy. He's genuinely lovely. He is sweet. He is also boring. He goes to a grammar school, tries far too desperately to make conversation. and ends up just making me fall asleep. Unfortunately due to some drunken mishap he was my new years kiss. But unfortunately, I know his family, and they really want us two to end up together. I cannot see it happening. I need a little bit of excitement.
• E- Extremely hot. A traveler. He is pretty clever, although I tutor him in maths slightly. We're close, people constantly say they could see us together, despite the fact we haven't met up since last October, unless weekly 4 hour video calls count. Which I don't think they do. He's a nice person, but does not do relationships. He leads me on, asking how he could get a date with me, then asking what made me think he wanted one. Yes, he's confusing. I've only ever met him twice. Once at a party where he laid on me in his boxers, and again at the cinema to see Paranormal Activity, where his best friend felt the need to exclaim the word "boner" in the silent cinema.
• M- 21st century romance. He's cute, but still hung up on another girl. He asked me for my address so he could put roses on my doorstep. He's a cutey, but i find it all a bit suffocating. Also, his tireless chasing made him lose his best friend. I don't like that.
• Creepy Stalker- "I don't want anything right now..." "I'll wait for you!"...all that need be said. On the upside, I believe he's moved on now. He's seeing another girl. Thank God for that.
• Lying cheating dickhead- Creepy stalker's best friend. He kissed me then told me he had a girlfriend. Unfortunately I never seem to be able to straight up forget him. Damn it.

Ok, sorry for the first vent. I probably just scared you away. I know it's all a bit cliche to write a blog about love life, but it probably won't all be about that, let's just call it the most interesting aspect of my life. Sorry for the novel, it's still a bit of an introduction, it should get better from here.

An average introduction.

So, this is all quite new, not one for sharing feelings. So this will literally be a vent. If you're reading this, don't expect a lot exciting to happen. According to a rather good looking male (who will now be known as E) i'm a "desired individual". I personally don't believe him, probably a desperate attempt to get in the pants of anything with a vagina. 

So i'm not expecting hits. None of them to be precise, although I guess attempting couldn't hurt. I genuinely expect that my single reader a month may be a creepy person, who will chuckle at my desperate attempts of living a life, I don't see it. I don't see anything happening to be completely honest, but i figure I should at least try to find a secure way of venting privately. Well...anonymously...private is not the word. Either way, I've seen this done on TV, and they make it look easy, and actually quite useful. Whilst I see that due to my lack of dedication i will give this up pretty soon, it could put some life events into perspective, and be a handy way of looking back at them.

Okay, I'm lazy, so this is probably the longest post I will ever write, but I feel I should sign off with some basic facts. My name is going to remain unknown. I'm 15. I come from Essex, in England. I am not orange colored, do not have bleach blonde hair (working on that one), but where I come from, that makes me completely imperfect, and unnoticed, despite the fact I do actually have a fair amount of confidence, but confidence cannot be mistaken for trust. That I have none of. I am not popular. I have friends, as far as I know I have no enemies, although I don't doubt that a lot of people hold a strong dislike to me. Anyway. I'm still a virgin (also leaves me looking down upon where I come from), this means I am quite regular, and where the name comes from, I'm average. There isn't a lot to me and I can easily be mistaken for being boring (it's probably right). I'm completely average.